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The Core of Me

the cancer in me
festers like a flame
drowning out my core
til all i see composing me is
ragged flesh on bones
inviting me to let go

I don’t know where to run
I’m wasted everywhere I go
and if I hide, who would even care?
change my name, cut off my hair
get it everywhere

I want to be drunk all the time
on my illusions of belonging
it’s not the booze that’s talking
I don’t care if what I want is real
cuz what I can’t have can’t destroy me
unless of course you toy with me

there’s a stiffness in my mind
that ensconces all my pain
like a neck cone on a dog
never to be touched again
especially not to heal
it makes me think I’m broken
how much I never want to feel

why do you hang around me?
you’ve got tenderness cascading out your ears
I’ve been a bitch for years
lie about my fears
hide behind my jealous leers
my salty tears

lord, how effortless your eagerness
just how lawless is your heart?
alight in every hue
and what shocks me most of all
is how it doesn’t make me hate you
no, I could never hate you if I tried

I can see right through your shell
that I give you what you need
like I’m someone you should feed
armchair psychiatrists be damned:
to stoke the love inside, sometimes you need a pinch
especially when you’re tired

when all the world’s against me
you say you’re always on my side
it will take time for me to tell if that’s a lie
but there’s no rush
or isn’t there?
you caught me unaware

and the core of me
the core of me
where has it gone? where has it gone?
I don’t even need to know
you make me feel like it’s safe to let go

© 2018 Comfort Cat

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